Why Your "Professional" Body Language Is Sabotaging Your Success (And What Elite Leaders Do Instead)

Jan 19 / Kerstin Oleta, CEO and Founder of the Business Leadership Excellence Institute (BLEI)
You walk into the coffee shop, smile politely, order your latte, and wait for your client meeting. You're dressed well, you're prepared, you're confident in your expertise. But something keeps happening.

Your ideal clients seem interested... then pull back. They lean in during the conversation... then cross their arms. They say "let me think about it" when you know you're the perfect fit for their needs.

Here's the uncomfortable truth: It's not your expertise they're questioning. It's not your offer. It's not even your pricing.
It's your presence.

And specifically, the fact that you're doing exactly what you were taught to do—and that's the problem.

The "Professional" Body Language Trap


If you've ever taken a body language course, read a book on executive presence, or worked with a traditional coach, you probably learned techniques like:
  • Mirroring others' body language to build rapport
  • Reading micro-expressions to understand what people are thinking
  • Adjusting your energy to match the room
  • Responding to cues and making them comfortable

Sounds smart, right?

Here's what no one tells you: These techniques put you in a permanent chase mode. You're always one step behind, waiting to see how others show up so you can adjust accordingly. And that creates something devastating to your success—question marks.

The Primal Brain's Instant Evaluation

The moment someone meets you, their primal brain begins a rapid-fire safety assessment:
Can I trust this person?
Are they confident?
Is this safe?
Should I lean in or protect myself?

And here's the kicker: The primal brain is built to say NO.

For safety reasons, the default answer is always no—unless you give it overwhelming evidence otherwise.

Every time you:
  • Wait to see someone else's energy first
  • Adjust your approach mid-conversation
  • React to their body language instead of setting your own
  • Shift your presence to make them comfortable

...you create tiny question marks in their primal brain.
"Why did she just change her approach?"
"Why is he adjusting to me?"
"If they're so confident, why are they waiting for my cue?"

Those question marks compound. And before you know it, your ideal client is sitting back, arms subtly crossed, asking themselves: "Should I really trust this person with my biggest challenge?"

What I Learned Watching a Client Transform

I recently worked with a physician-turned-coach who was brilliant at her work but struggled with client enrollment. She'd get to the discovery call, lay out exactly how she could solve their problem, address every objection... and still hear "let me think about it."

The issue wasn't her content. It was her presence.

She was doing everything "professionally"—being nice, adjusting to make prospects comfortable, waiting to see their energy before setting hers.
Translation: She was people-pleasing.

And people-pleasing, no matter how "professional" it looks, is actually passive-aggressive.

When we shifted her from reactive to proactive presence, everything changed.

Instead of walking into discovery calls wondering "What do they need from me?", she walked in thinking "Here's the clear lane I'm establishing."
Instead of adjusting her energy to match theirs, she set the tone from moment one.

Instead of being "nice" (read: vague, accommodating, shifting), she became clear.

Her enrollment rate tripled in six weeks.

The Body Language Strategy Difference

Traditional body language training teaches you to be a highly skilled reactor.

Body Language Strategy teaches you to be a magnetic creator.

Here's the paradigm shift:
Old Way (Reactive):
  1. Enter the room
  2. Scan for cues
  3. Adjust your energy
  4. Mirror their body language
  5. Respond to questions as they arise
  6. React to resistance when it shows up

New Way (Proactive):
  1. Enter with clear intention
  2. Establish your "lane" immediately
  3. Maintain consistent presence
  4. Create invitation through your energy
  5. Let your clarity prevent resistance
  6. Trust the right people to magnetize toward you

If you're waiting for a response, you're already too late.

The Two Universal Resistances (And Why They're Actually Good News)

After working with hundreds of executives, coaches, and leaders, I've noticed something remarkable:
No matter the industry, topic, or context, nearly all resistance boils down to just two fears:
  • Fear of Change (leaving the comfort zone, disrupting status quo)
  • Fear of Confrontation (difficult conversations, boundary-setting)

That's it.

The specific objection might be about budget, timing, or fit—but underneath, it's always one of these two primal fears.

This is actually great news.

Because when you understand this, you stop trying to fix every unique objection and instead create a presence that addresses both fears simultaneously:
  • Your consistency signals: "You're safe here" (confrontation fear)
  • Your clarity signals: "This is the path forward" (change fear)

When you establish proactive presence, you're not manipulating or overriding legitimate concerns. You're creating such a strong invitation that people feel safe moving through their natural resistance with you as a partner.

The Greater Self Exercise: Why Most Presence Training Fails

Most presence training asks you to "be more confident" or "project authority."

That's uselessly vague.

You can't embody what you can't clearly see. Here's what actually works: Forensic-level detail about your Greater Self.

Not: "I want to seem more professional."

Instead: "My Greater Self wears a navy tailored blazer with matching pants, a white shell underneath, carries a structured black tote, wears small silver drop earrings, has shoulder-length hair, enters at an intentional pace with chin level and shoulders back, scans the room for connection, makes eye contact and smiles at someone who looks curious, compliments the barista on their band t-shirt, and engages others by making observations about the environment."

See the difference?

Specific details shift how you actually show up. They change:
  • What you wear each morning
  • How you enter rooms
  • Where your eyes go
  • What words you choose
  • How you create invitation

Vague intentions create vague results. Specific vision creates consistent embodiment.

About the Author

Kerstin Oleta is CEO and Founder of the Business Leadership Excellence Institute (BLEI), specializing in Body Language Strategy for Fortune 500 companies and government organizations navigating transitions, mergers, and transformations. She serves as a Mission Partner with the National Security Collaboration Center (NSCC) and has worked with executive teams at Google, Amazon, and eBay Global. Her methodology helps leaders move from perfectionism and paralysis into decisive, effective action during high-stakes organizational change.

Ready to audit your leadership presence during transformation? Contact BLEI for executive assessment and Body Language Strategy training designed for elite organizations in transition. https://www.bleinstitute.com/about